Well I should have known, after my last post, that this would happen. When you toot your own horn it tends to turn around and blast you in the face. Or something like that.
We've hit a bit of a stumbling block in the breastfeeding department. I want to tell you about it in case their are any breastfeeding mamas out there who are having trouble and read my last entry and thought "WTF? What am I doing wrong?" The answer is "nothing." You are doing nothing wrong. There is probably not anything you could have done to prevent the problems you are having. Which, in and of itself, is frustrating but I guess it is a good first lesson in parenthood!
So, Ellis Rose was successfully weaned off the shield with absolutely no problems. Then, about two weeks later, I get mastitis. Totally and completely out of the blue. I still have no idea how I got it. My theories are 1) Ellis was starting to space out her feedings a bit and my body just didn't catch up and 2) my bra doesn't fit.
Not knowing much about mastitis, other than that it is an infection of the breast, I took antibiotics. The mastitis went away but I think the antibiotic was a big mistake on my part.
Next up, thrush. Or something like it. It started with just a bit of tingling after each feeding. Weird but not painful. Then weird became uncomfortable. Uncomfortable became painful and painful became near-unbearable. Add to that excruciating pain at latch-on and breastfeeding suddenly became something I dreaded.
I dealt with this for about a week (stupid, I know) because Ellis Rose's 2 month appointment was coming up and I knew we would be diagnosed with thrush. Problem solved.
Although her pediatrician found no symptoms of thrush in Ellis, the lactation consultant listened to my story and said she was "100% sure" it was yeast because it is very common after a round of antibiotics. She recommended we both be treated for thrush (Ellis and I, not the lactation consultant and I). So I get to rub Monistat-7 on my boobs after each feeding and Ellis gets 4 doses of Nystatin daily. She likes it - it takes like bananas.
The lactation consultant tells me this will make everything immediately better and breastfeeding will no longer feel like I'm in some level of hell. I decide to do the treatment for several days before attempting to breastfeed so during this time I was pumping and bottle-feeding. And guess what happens next?
Mastitis again.
Exact same symptoms as last time except this time I approached my treatment a bit differently. You see, I never had extreme symptoms (other than a high fever) so I did some research and discovered there is something called "noninfectious mastitis." If, after 12-48 hours, the symptoms get better it is likely you have noninfectious mastitis. If they don't, you have infectious mastitis and need antibiotics.
After one very uncomfortable day, mine got better. I spent that day sleeping, pumping every 2 hours, drinking tons of water and massaging my breast. I did not take a fever reducer because I didn't think it was necessary.
So, thinking the worst is behind me, I nurse Ellis for the first time in almost a week. And I get the weird tingling thing afterwards. Obviously, whatever this is, it isn't thrush. Or it is a more severe version of thrush that isn't being resolved with just Monistat-7.
Today I'm making an official appointment with the lactation consultant. I'm at my wits end. Now I'm worried that Ellis is too accustomed to the bottle and will never nurse again. Silly perhaps, but it is just one of the many worries floating through my head.
I'll be honest, there are some moments where I just want to take an anti-histamine, switch to formula and call it a day. I'm not saying there aren't stresses associated with formula-feeding, I'm sure there are. It's just that at this point, I'm almost willing to trade my stresses for those stresses.
Almost.
I'll go to the lactation consultant. I'll bare my boobs for a stranger. I'll rub vaginal cream on my nipples. I'll even eat yogurt. I'll do whatever it takes to get this back on track.
And if none of it works. I will move on.
Monday
Saturday
Superwoman
I feel like superwoman today.
I nursed in public for the very first time AND I did it without the nipple shield!
(The lack of nipple shield was totally unplanned. I forgot to put it in the diaper bag. Granted, I have been weaning us off the shield but this was the first time I actually started a feeding without one.)
BOO yeah.
I nursed in public for the very first time AND I did it without the nipple shield!
(The lack of nipple shield was totally unplanned. I forgot to put it in the diaper bag. Granted, I have been weaning us off the shield but this was the first time I actually started a feeding without one.)
BOO yeah.
Friday
Parenthood = The End of Procrastination?
So, in all the excitement and fun of having a new baby, it would be easy for me to forget that I actually have one final class to complete before I can graduate with my Master's in May.
Luckily, that class only meets once a week and the professor is one I know well.
I have (miraculously) been able to stay on top of all of the reading for this class but a new challenge has presented itself in the form of a paper due on Monday.
At some point this week I realized that I can no longer wait until the utter last minute to finish this paper. Feeding Ellis Rose, changing her diapers, staring at her, singing to her and playing with her all tend to take up my time.
And, although I would have thought it impossible, my attention span and brain power have deteriorated even further (see, does that even make sense? I don't know) from when I was pregnant.
Luckily, my mom has been able to watch Ellis Rose while I clickity clack away on the computer but I find myself staring off into space more than I am comfortable admitting.
All of this means that I have no idea what kind of paper I will be turning in on Monday. I hope it is the kind that earns at least a B.
Luckily, that class only meets once a week and the professor is one I know well.
I have (miraculously) been able to stay on top of all of the reading for this class but a new challenge has presented itself in the form of a paper due on Monday.
At some point this week I realized that I can no longer wait until the utter last minute to finish this paper. Feeding Ellis Rose, changing her diapers, staring at her, singing to her and playing with her all tend to take up my time.
And, although I would have thought it impossible, my attention span and brain power have deteriorated even further (see, does that even make sense? I don't know) from when I was pregnant.
Luckily, my mom has been able to watch Ellis Rose while I clickity clack away on the computer but I find myself staring off into space more than I am comfortable admitting.
All of this means that I have no idea what kind of paper I will be turning in on Monday. I hope it is the kind that earns at least a B.
Tuesday
Unexpected
Here's something I was not expecting. I miss being pregnant.
Despite the fact that I had a very easy pregnancy, I was obviously looking forward to having an outside baby. Because no matter how connected you feel to the inside baby - it won't compare to having the baby live and in the flesh, right?
Well...right. Being able to look at Ellis Rose every day and learn her moods, her expressions her likes and dislikes cannot compare to anything. But, I still miss being pregnant.
I miss the way I felt when I was pregnant. I miss feeling Ellis move. I miss not having to worry if my belly is sticking out too much. I miss having her with me always. (Okay, so she's still pretty much with me always but we aren't physically connected anymore and that makes it different.)
And, I'll admit it, I miss the attention. People are at their best around a pregnant woman - opening doors, giving up their spot in the grocery line, offering advice and opinions (albeit unsolicited) and just making conversation.
So the solution to all of this would be to get pregnant again, right? Ha! Since we took the maternity rider off our health insurance, this is not a possibility right now. But I will say I am looking forward to future pregnancies more than I thought possible at this stage in the game.
And being not pregnant has its benefits too - not least of which is the ability to drink a glass of wine. And going back to non-maternity clothes. Those two things alone will keep me from becoming the next Michelle Duggar.
Despite the fact that I had a very easy pregnancy, I was obviously looking forward to having an outside baby. Because no matter how connected you feel to the inside baby - it won't compare to having the baby live and in the flesh, right?
Well...right. Being able to look at Ellis Rose every day and learn her moods, her expressions her likes and dislikes cannot compare to anything. But, I still miss being pregnant.
I miss the way I felt when I was pregnant. I miss feeling Ellis move. I miss not having to worry if my belly is sticking out too much. I miss having her with me always. (Okay, so she's still pretty much with me always but we aren't physically connected anymore and that makes it different.)
And, I'll admit it, I miss the attention. People are at their best around a pregnant woman - opening doors, giving up their spot in the grocery line, offering advice and opinions (albeit unsolicited) and just making conversation.
So the solution to all of this would be to get pregnant again, right? Ha! Since we took the maternity rider off our health insurance, this is not a possibility right now. But I will say I am looking forward to future pregnancies more than I thought possible at this stage in the game.
And being not pregnant has its benefits too - not least of which is the ability to drink a glass of wine. And going back to non-maternity clothes. Those two things alone will keep me from becoming the next Michelle Duggar.
Saturday
Long Story Short
Here's what you need to know:
1. The baby is here! (Actually, the baby has been here for, oh, about a month now).
2. The baby is a girl! Ellis Rose born January 19, 2010 weighing 6 lbs 14 oz, 19 3/4" long.
3. The birth did not go according to plan. In fact, it went totally awry. We had a c-section after the baby did not respond well to what turned out to be an unsuccessful induction. But it is hard to quibble over the details when we have a beautiful and healthy daughter to show for it. That's not to say I wasn't pretty disappointed (after feeling like a failure and feeling scared for my baby and scared for myself) but I've never really been one to dwell on the negative. Especially when there is so much good stuff to dwell on instead. Perhaps someday I'll do a post about c-sections and the (very weird) recovery process but not now.
Instead I'll just stare at my Ellis Rose some more.
I mean, wouldn't you?
1. The baby is here! (Actually, the baby has been here for, oh, about a month now).
2. The baby is a girl! Ellis Rose born January 19, 2010 weighing 6 lbs 14 oz, 19 3/4" long.
3. The birth did not go according to plan. In fact, it went totally awry. We had a c-section after the baby did not respond well to what turned out to be an unsuccessful induction. But it is hard to quibble over the details when we have a beautiful and healthy daughter to show for it. That's not to say I wasn't pretty disappointed (after feeling like a failure and feeling scared for my baby and scared for myself) but I've never really been one to dwell on the negative. Especially when there is so much good stuff to dwell on instead. Perhaps someday I'll do a post about c-sections and the (very weird) recovery process but not now.
Instead I'll just stare at my Ellis Rose some more.
I mean, wouldn't you?
